STRANGE CONFESSIONS : MY ABHORRENCE FOR MARRIED MEN!

Those who know me, will know, I've always avoided married men. Even when some of my Ex'es/crushes ( call it whateva ) got married, I instantly got over them ( without so much as a thought )! And when later, they tried to keep in touch or contacted me...I was like ...NO WAY!!! Once you're married, I have zero interest you ( i.e married people ). So, in a way. it has helped me get over heartbreaks ( there were plenty of those, duh ) and move on quickly....

Why I dislike married men? Well, I don't really hate them...but, its just that - I'm just not interested in them. I know for a fact, that, they've fucked their wives/partners, and that alone makes them undesirable for me. I'm not a Kareena or Sridevi or other females that falls for married people ( and even marries them :o ). For some reason, I want my man to be only mine...and a married man - who has already been intimate with someone else, just can't be mine ( or never was ). Even if they've broken up/ separated or having problems in their married lives..for me, its a complete 'NO' situation! Hell..I don't even get attracted to actors for this reason...like other fans do. And, if I've checked out some dating site or facebook etc, I steer clear of married and divorcees ( weren't they married too, duh ! ) lol...

It all began when I was growing up. I saw plenty of extra-marital affairs going on around me; both in my family and other relations. Well, its sad but that's the truth. And this happens almost everywhere, BTW. ( I wrote an entire E-book series on the subject - titled ~ Forgotten Vows -"Monster Marriages" ). I've seen marriages break up; and in my experience, that has left in me a very cynical/ skeptic view about marriage. As you can see, I've been avoiding marriage all my life....because, I know, after the initial few months/ years...everything won't be rosy and nice. I've been in relationships, but, when it came to marriage..I put my foot down. Moreover, I have everything, I never felt the need to marry someone. Khud ke paas teen-char khud ke ghar ho...toh dusre ke ghar slavery karne kyu jawu....kinda attitude....hehehe! Also, since life is temporary...why not enjoy it without getting tangled in responsibilities. Marriage & kids are way too much responsibility for a free-bird like me, who cherishes my freedom like anything. And moreover, most guys I've met in my life have been so dumb...I'm glad I didn't marry any of those! No regrets!!!

Anyways, so, coming back to my abhorrence towards married men....well, that stays....until something happened some months ago. I had recently shifted to a new place, wanting a change ( and trying to forget someone )...when I met this fellow. He was kinda cute, and I was instantly attracted to him. But then, the worse happened...I discovered - not only was he married, but, he had kid(s) too. I was like...Come on..I like him AND NOW, I have to UNLIKE HIM....WTF!!!!

So, the unliking process started immediately...I avoided the person. But to my horror/terror...he started stalking me ( or so I thought/ felt/ saw ). Should I pull my hairs out now or what!!! Go away...go away...I was screaming mentally and tried to distract myself in all possible ways to just forget him. But how do you do that, when, by trick of fate/ timing/ God's will or his stalking...you keep seeing him. Its been a crazy situation to be in. Others...I could forget easily...cos' they were far, or I moved away from those places....but, this fellow lives so near. Where Do I run? And damn, I had shifted to this new place, just recently....hmph!!! I've run out of places to hide, quite literally, and to make matters worse....something stirs in me...whenever I see him. I don't want this feeling....but it keeps creeping up on me...all the time. So, did I break my own rule about not being interested in married men?
And wait!!! Worstest of worse part is...I've seen him with his wife couple of times ( God ke bhi timing toh dekho...unko bilkul samne hi la deta hai ), and that sprung in me some mad-wild jealously, possessives kinda feeling ( which I can so do without --- WTF is wrong with me #Grrrr ). Think, I'll go mad if this situation remains. Or maybe, I should move into one of my other three-houses...to get over this insanity completely!!!!

Question remains...why am I feeling what I am feeling ( and which I don't want to feel ) :s

UPDATE : Its been few years now...thankfully, it was just a passing phase. I've succesfully crushed off this crush...lol ;p