SHED MEMORIES!

I saw her, laughing and chatting with her co-passengers, looking radiant exactly as I had seen in her pictures, and, I instantly knew, if she was here, he'd not be far - he was somewhere in the train coach too although I hadn't spotted him yet; but, with every second as my emotions got suddenly stirred by the very thought of him I knew I had to see him, just once - no, I no longer felt anything for him, not after knowing he had married ( and also had children ), but the yearn was still there just to see him once.

We had parted ways almost three dacades back, but, I was always his first choice his high school love - and I was unknowingly possessive of that fact; I was the one whom he had madly chased for months on end, I was the one whom he had first proclaimed his feelings for and made his vows to - no, we were not married, but, he had still vowed to be by my side always yet, it was me who had thrown it all away; and, it was because I left that she had entered his life - so, I'd always be someone special for him, and he, for me.

But, don't get me wrong, I no longer want him in my life - not in that way anyway; it was just a fleeting feeling creeping up inside something I could not describe... I just wanted to see him close, once - see how he looked or had become after so many years; also, the fact that I knew he was present in the train, the yearn only grew so I started looking for him, went to where his wife was sitting, in their compartment - but, he wasn't there.

I decided to wait till we got to our destination and it was when I finally saw him from a distance as he unloaded their luggage with his wife still chatting excitedly by his side she was lovely ~ no wonder they were still married...I could have been in her place if I hadn't let him go... was it a little 'envy' that I felt...maybe, but I knew it was just a passing feeling...not something I really wanted cos' I was in a happy space of life too; but still, I had to see him...and perhaps, just say a hello...after all we did have so many memories together...those that can never be erased, those that made us into what we had become.

I looked through the bushes, as I observed them sitting on few benches near the platform perhaps waiting for their cab, an unusual string tugging at my heart as I saw him look into his mobile, patiently hearing his wife's chatter too simultaneously, while also occasionally nodding at his other co-passengers who were travelling with him... and, merely looking at him stirred so many feelings in me... he had gained weight and looked quite different, no longer the boy I knew, he was a grown man now, with responsibilites; I knew this was my only chance, to walk up to him for we may never meet again.

I saw him briefly walking away from the others talking to someone on phone, and, I rushed... this was it, I thought..I had to go up to him now and so I went hurriedly to the trees where he was standing against, close..closer...something caught his attention as I approached and he looked towards his group; I was standing nearly in front of him now, with just a tree-branch separating us, the rustle of the leaves though made him look back in a startle...and then, he saw me ~ he froze as our eyes met...'tumi' he barely whispered... questioned... thousands of memories shed eons ago, came flooding back.





❤❀❤ This post is for SixSentence ( Image Copyright – Google )

EVERYBODY SCREAM!

I was so craving it,
when he finally obliged...
as I moaned in pleasure,
he plundered through the night...
both unawares of the lit candle,
that had tripped, and fell...
slowing, burning up the little things,
into an inferno hazard...

I mistook the growing heat in our room,
as a result of our burning passion...
till the wide awake neighbourhood screamed their lungs,
and, rang the fire alarm...
Everything in blaze we hunted for our clothes,
that were black and burnt...
a wild night finally ended,
with us sprinting for our lives...





❤❀❤ ( Image Copyright – Google )

MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY - TRIAL AND ERROR METHODS

Believe it or not, I too have a weight loss journey. I'm still miles away from achieving that ( 'after' image of ) perfect weight, but, I must say I'm proud I've shed much of the excess baggage I had accumulated...which, I'm never going to get again - I've vowed. How did I manage to go down from almost 85kgs to hovering at 70, here's moi sharing it all here. Its not been easy, but, I'm getting there almost and that too, in a natural and organic manner.

Background Story : How did I even reach a whopping 85Kgs considering I was very skinny as a kid. I was so thin, I was constantly made fun of ~ given names, bullied, mocked, body shamed ( by my own famiy members besides others ) and what not, which no doubt had a very bad impact on my self-esteem ( making me almost suicidal ). I was body conscious and made to feel as if I had committed a big crime by being thin. It was a frustrating period, especially, when you face this ordeal as a teenager. My reasons for not gaining weight was well...I had a metabolism that ensured no fat was stored in my body, and we used to eat only basic stuff nothing fancy, plus, I was into sports like tae-kwon-do and other outdoor activities ( in school ); and also with our house being on top of a hill ensured a regular climb at noon ( after school ) - thus, sweating everything out. So, I ended up being tall, thin and quite gawky. I must admit here, I did take couple of files of vitamin B tablets and a haemoglobin syrup initially, to gain weight especially when I was harrassed, but soon gave up as it didn't work, or I didn't see any difference. However, after I had moved to Bombay especially when I was mostly on my own, I really caught the whiff of Bombay's street foods; and, I started gorging. So far I was used to only simple home cooked meals, but, suddenly I was exposed to outside food so delicious ( also unhealthy ) - there was no looking back. I went head on ~ eating everything, enjoying food like never before. I splurged all my pocket money only on food. And, in any event or gathering, food counter was the only place I'd be seen hanging around. Food became an addiction almost. Result was a rapid escalation to 85!

The Realisation : There came a time when I was starting to be referred to as 'moti' or 'fat'. Even fat people face body shaming and ridicule, see? Sigh! Its like people has no other work other than to judge others all the time, for their appearances or body types. Such a shame. Now, I was called names or teased for being fat. Phew! One day, I was on a date and the guy was like - 'you are so huge'. It did pinch esecially when I was later blatantly asked ( by someone else ) to lose some weight. I dropped those guys ( because of other reasons too ), but, the subseqent ones also made similar remarks on my weight. Like, I heard - oh she's overweight, or a direct - 'you'll be even cuter if you shed some weight'. So, yes, this time around I was constantly made to feel 'fat'. I stopped caring about these people - they only looked at body and didn't really love or cared about me. I bade all of them 'goodbye', and stuck with my love - food! Noway, I was going to give up on food. I loved it more than these nonsense suitors, lol. But, certain health scares did ultimately make me change my mind and my pre-occupation with food. Two back to back heart-attacks and hypothyroidism.

Fighting Back : My weight had unknowingly introduced me to hypothyoidism and I had heart attack when quite young ( in my early thirties ). I was depressed then - with what was going on in my life. I was out of shape too, and was facing health issues on a daily basis. I was constantly fatigued, tired and sleepy through the day with headaches and brain fog. I spent most of my time in my bed barely having the strength to get out of it. My tae-kwondo was long forgotten, I resembled a lazy, obese, diseased person. The heart attacks though, finally, woke me up. They shook me really hard to the core and I knew I had to do something quick, to heal myself. I learnt obesity can only lead to more problems and even death, in the end. So, I made it a resolve to reverse things. However, by now, I had a chronic hypothyroidism too that made it even harder to loose weight. So much so...even if I didn't eat anything, I'd still be gaining weight. I had to do something fast, before things went out of control. Losing weight was my priority. But, I didn't want to give up on food yet. My only option was to drastically cut down on portions. I still ate those delicious food, but, cut down the portions by many folds. So, if I used to have 3 pizzas earlier in a single day, I'd split a single pizza into two-three days...and so on. I'd have a bite of a samosa, and the next bite the next day. So this way, I satisfied my urge and taste-buds, but, only to a tiny extent. I'd not eat anything after 5-6pm. My eating window would be from 10-11am-5-6pm. It was kinda intermittent fasting of sorts. However, still, losing weight was a challenge.

Walk, Walk and Walk : I didnt go to any gym to lose weight. I was too conscious and didn't have time nor the discipline. I tried exercising at home instead. But, it was tough. I injured myself too. So, I started walking. Walking, walking and more walking - quick brisk ones. Slowly, I became obsessed with walking. Instead of lifts, I'd take the stairs. I'd walk to and fro the market and would avoid taking any rickshaw. So, my regular walking and cutting down on portions did ultimately start giving resuits. At times, I did do impulsive fasting of 24 hours...but, it was rare. And, its not recommended on a regular basis. One can try one or two times a week. But cutting down portions is a must. I still have pastry or sweet even - but, only a bite or so, not the whole thing. As a result I'm hovering around 70kgs now, which is progress no doubt. It took years, but, I did it :-) A whopping 15kgs weightloss, no less. How to stick to it...or reduce even further - walk walk, cut portions, no eating after sun-set ( and sometimes a 24 hour fasting ), and get proper uninterrupted sleep of 8-10 hours.

Resist Temptations. Be Motivated. Stay Focussed. Don't Take Stress ~ My Mantra!



❤❀❤ ( Images - Google )