| ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸¸ I come from a small, middle-class and quite conservative family, originally from the north-east. Even though it is conservative out there, girls are allowed to pursue their studies, take a job and all ( unlike in many other parts of India ); however, they are also expected to marry within a certain time-frame. I’ve been bit rebellious throughout my life, so, when my turn came to that – i.e marriage after college, everyone expected me to follow my sister’s example of marrying, settling down and raising kids. While it’s not a bad thing, I often wondered would my life be always like this – i.e simply moving from one household to another; and always under someone else’s diktats. I wanted to be independent, live life on my own terms, breathe free; do mistakes and learn from them. In other words, I wanted to be answerable to none.
But its not that easy to convince others especially family members, that you want to alter your whole lifestyle. While they do allow to work and all, they were completely against my wish of moving to a different city, starting all over again and pursuing my dreams. It was unthinkable for them the very idea of a girl living such a lifestyle. So, like typical parents they started a groom-hunt for me and I went through quite a bit of match-making. Meanwhile, I had a pretty bad relationship myself, so marrying a complete stranger was a terrifying thought for me. I just wanted to escape it all and fast.
My father was earlier based in Bombay, before he got transferred back to his hometown. Hence, my college years were in Bombay itself. I wanted to come back to the city, but with my father transferred, the roof over my head i.e his office quarters was no longer there. If I came, I’d be completely on my own. And its not a comforting thought, of not having a home of my own in a city like Bombay ( especially when you had one earlier ). Many times I wondered, if I should just simply give up thoughts of being independent and marry the man my parents chose. But my heart fiercely resisted. It wanted freedom. It wanted to explore and learn this world better, on its own. Thus, ultimately I took the decision – I’d be coming back to Bombay; the city where my heart actually lay; the city I grew up in the most crucial years of my life ~ my college years.
I contacted my friend in Bombay, and for the initial days I lived at her house, while struggling simultaneously to find jobs. It’s a romantic thought of starting life independently and all. But in reality it ain’t easy at all. I had no relatives in the city, as my father was already transferred. Many times, I thought of giving up and going back. Why was I struggling when I could so easily marry the well-to-do groom who’d give me all the luxuries I needed. But those struggles too were so important for me. Because, in every bit of it - was a lesson. A lesson, so important for me for my life; for being the person I am. I learnt so many things during that phase, and became so much more stronger as a person. I shifted to a working women’s hostel and lived there for almost a year, and my life was unbelievably incredible during that period. I was experiencing things I’d have never experienced, in the safe comfortable and secured environment of a family around. Even though I was completely out of my comfort zone, and was living amongst complete strangers, I learnt new things everyday ~ things so valuable. I knew however, that I wouldn't be living in a hostel forever, so in the back of my mind that insecurity of a roofless-me still haunted. I finally made a decision to buy my own place.
#StartANewLife all over again, in a new house of my own ~ that became my focus; an obsession almost. I faced quite a humongous struggle here too, what with unscrupulous real-estate people everywhere ~ who just wanted to cheat you of your hard-earned savings. All said and done, I have experiences of buying my own flat, selling and buying another one - under by belt. So, one can guess what a roller-coaster of an experience those might have been. Thankfully, we have now sites like housing.com, that makes home searching/buying so much easier. Atleast, now I know I won't have to go through all the hassle of buying a house, in case, I want to #StartANewLife all over yet again. Who knows that might happen too, and very soon as well, because in my whole life I've found one thing 'constant' in my life and that is ~ Change! I'm hooked to the thrill of it... Did you ever want to #StartANewLife? You can ~ with housing.com! ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸¸
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This is very interesting, Nandini. I appreciate your confident and efforts to overcome the struggle to achieve this success. At the same time, I differ your views on marriage, lack of freedom and answerable to someone after getting married. Marriage is a lifetime event, it's all about how we are nurturing the relationship, learning together, building family and cherish each moment of life. It will give you an important lesson in life, i.e. "Adjustment is achievement"
ReplyDeletehi...thanks for sharing your views. Appreciate :-)
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