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The Heavens was decorated. Flowers, ribbons and colourful heart-shaped balloons everywhere, with the clouds dancing as usual, but today with greater vigour. Inspired by Salman Khan's recent lavish wedding bash of his darling Sister Arpita, that captured national headlines for weeks, God too wanted to get married, finally. Preparations were in full swing, and invitations sent to everyone across the universe for the GRAND-HEAVENLY-SWAYAMVAR! Nobody wanted to miss the perks of this holy alliance, hence, pretty ladies from every nook and corner of this vast universe were particularly enthused about the event. Marrying God himself was a phenomenal feat after all. They'd all finally get to see the great elusive 'one' too.
When I saw the invitation card, lying in my bed, I wanted to give it a try as well. I mean, see the advantages of this marriage - unlimited food, ageless youth and luxury till eternity and oh yes, I choose that over 'Mokhsa' you see. So, God being God will definitely be able to fulfill all my wishes. What else is he God for, eh? right! I took the invitation card close to my heart, closed my eyes and dreamt hopefully to be the lucky one. Like me, many other hopefuls were dreaming too.
God, meanwhile, on seeing this from the heavens was blushing away like a nubile bride and bouncing in joy. So many, millions trillions gazzilions of women-folk would attend the swayamvar seeking his hand. He could hardly wait for the big day.
Finally the big day did come, today. A special chariot arrived at my doorstep to carry me to the heavens for this mega-event. I had worn my prettiest outfit, and as I sat down in the chariot, I saw many other chariots already flying up in the skies, towards the heavens in full speed. Everyone were on their way, adorned in their finery.
As the Heaven Gates opened up, welcoming everyone, evil Satan sat stealthily in a corner outside ( he wasn't allowed in ). He could see God walking about nervously in his chamber, with both his hands clasped. With every moment, his anxiety was soaring. Oh..he was pretty excited too, but in all that excitement he could barely eat, sleep or think properly. He hoped he had done everything right, to make the event a grand success. Since, he was God, his assistants merely agreed to everything he said. Nobody dared to utter any word otherwise, not even the other Devtas and Apsaras in the Heaven. There were hushed whispers going on behind his back, but as soon as he turned, everything would suddenly be quiet and everyone would get back to their work instantly. Satan, chuckled seeing all these. "Yeh God ki shaadi kabhi nahi ho sakta - ( this God will never get married )", he thought wickedly, shaking his head with two horns on it, and he knew exactly why! But would he say? No! He'd rather watch all the fun and it'd happen soon he grinned, flashing his dirty yellow teeth.
Whispers were buzzing in the corridors of Heavens. God's attendants nudged one another, but nobody came forward. How could they, they were trained never to say anything to God only obey all his commands. Something was grossly wrong, they panicked within themselves. The guests had already arrived and taken their seats in the humongous Heaven's courtyard that ran for infinity. And before they could stop God not that they dared, he had already stepped out with wide open arms, welcoming all with "Awo ji Awo...bherry welcome ji". Everyone who were eagerly waiting with expectant eyes, instantly frowned at the sight of God and began murmuring amongst themselves unapprovingly. They'd dart a quick glance at God, twitch their eyebrows and get back to whispering. Never did they expect God to be like this unshaven! I too cringed at the sight of him. He was dressed fine alright, with brand new shoes, but one glance at his face would shatter the image. Unshaven, his face was hidden behind a huge bushy beard making him look like some grizzly bear instead of God, how disgusting.
"I want to go home mummy. I can't marry this God. He looks errrr.....dirty; so unclean with those spikes all over his face," a pretty young girl announced, standing up. Soon the others followed. "I'm not going to get my daughter married to a God who barely looks after himself; what he'll look after my daughter. Huh!" Said a proud parent who had accompanied her daughter to the swayamvar. Soon, the entire courtyard in Heaven was in utter chaos. "Take us back to our homes immediately," everyone demanded. I too joined in the protest. After all, who'd want to be with a bushy-faced bear ...err-God!
"Okay okay...." God said helplessly, as he watched everyone quickly get back into their chariots. If they weren't sent back, there'd be a riot. And God, clearly in a minority, didn't want to take any chances. As his hopes of marriage collapsed due to his unshaven neglect, and he ( i.e God ) went into depression, that'd last billions of years, Satan meanwhile, somewhere outside the gates had a hearty laugh with a 'I knew it...."
Theme - Missed chances - Stories or instances where you ( God ) missed out on an opportunity because of a non-shaven face. Written in good humour, not intended to hurt any religious feelings.
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